Things Every Bride Should Know

There has been a discussion running on Linkedin over several months that I'd like to share, in outline at least. HR Manager Chastity asked the Wedding Industry Professionals group members to share the one piece of advice they give a bride that no one tells them about their wedding day. 


Some of the answers were trite, some were humorous (usually intentionally) and some answers were longer than I intend this whole blog to be. But there was a lot of common sense and even wisdom in the answers, which I have tried to distill into a list that you might find useful, especially if your own Planners, DJs, Celebrants, Caterers, Photographers and others don't offer you similar little gems.


If I haven't given anyone credit for a particular piece of advice, it is because it is mine; or it is my distillation of several contributions without quite being what any one person said....


I have to add, that if some of these thoughts seem a little eccentric or even foolish, remember where they come from: people who attend maybe 50 weddings every year, year after year. Great as your mum is at planning, as organised and assured as you are about the way things will be, and as experienced as your dad, fiance and matron of honour are, even their combined experience is unlikely to come close to what any one of these people see every day: they know what mistakes to avoid, where the pitfalls are and how to avoid them. So here goes (in no particular order):

• Take a few moments between the ceremony and reception for JUST YOU TWO. Perhaps get a few pics then, but be alone for 5-10 minutes as newlyweds! (Rev. Carleen Burns)
• Practice walking wearing your dress. I have seen many brides almost fall over when stepping onto their dress (Bernd Kestler)
• It won't be perfect, but the imperfections are what makes your wedding memorable (Stephanie Thompson)
• Take a pair of comfortable shoes to the reception! (Me)
• Don't go cheap, don't be last minute. Don't have huge expectations and you will have a great day. Remember it's going to go by pretty fast...enjoy it while it lasts (Jeff Donovan)
• After the wedding, couples have bills to pay, lives to lead, and often little expendable income for wedding pictures, so photos are really not something that can easily come "after" the wedding. Also, if you've cut corners on things like time, then you may not have professional photos of some key moments because you've sent your photographers home (Dana Gieringer)
• Prioritize what you really want out of the wedding- and that includes allocating your budget. I am often faced with brides who hired me to photograph their wedding, but then afterwards could not afford the album they really wanted - after spending an equal amount (if not more) on chair covers and napkins! (David Briggs)
• Plan the wedding for you and not for what everyone else thinks you should have! (Rob Stratford)
• If you go cheap, you'll probably get cheap, and maybe even cheated (Dana Gieringer)
• Stop and live the moment - many times we are all caught up in what is next or what else wiIl have to get done. Each time you find yourself in all caught up in a moment, take a deep breath and as you let out that air smile and enjoy the moment (liza atwood)
•  Decide what's most important to you and be realistic about what that is going to cost. And for goodness sake, get a contract that spells out what you get for your money (Dana Gieringer)
• Take 5 minutes to yourselves...even if it means locking yourselves away in a toilet between the day and the evening!  (Kirsty Chesterman)
• Be sure to hire a car that will fit you AND your dress and, if possible, practice getting in and out of the car with your wedding dress (or similar) on so that you can achieve it without an embarrassing moment! Hoops are worst and most likely to put you on display in a way you never intended (Simon Ross)
• Be yourself. Don't feel like a stranger at your own wedding (Lillian Lyon).

This isn't the sum of all wisdom, not even the sum of the ideas in the discussion; but every bit of advice in this blog is something I wish I had said to at least one bride this year - 
because I have seen the results of brides "going cheap" and being let down (or worse, stood up); 
brides and grooms who couldn't fit into their vintage sports hire-cars; 
people who didn't have a written agreement and needed one; young couples starting married life in debt to pay for wedding extravagances that they said afterwards didn't add anything to their day but cost; 
lots of falls and trips on the dress - brides and bridesmaids both. 


And most of all, couple's who put so much effort into making the day meet somebody's standard of "perfection" that they never got to savor and enjoy what should have been their day. 

Have a Happy New Year, a Happy Wedding Day and a wonderful marriage!

Your Wedding: Photography and Style

I have wanted to write about Style for a while. It is a confusing subject, and I suspect I will have to come back to it more than once, so if this post seems a bit tenuous and incomplete, please be patient.

A confusing subject? Sure. Ask a painter or a photographer about style, then repeat the question to a hairdresser; take it up with an architect and a landscape artist. All the conversations will have somethings in common, but lock your painter, architect, hairdresser and the rest in one room, throw in a violinist, a sculptor and a composer - chaos!

I get quite a bit of feedback from wedding professionals, so I know they read this blog, and I bet as soon as they saw the heading, every one of them  "knew" what it was going to be about. Whether they were right or wrong, I bet it wasn't what our brides would be expecting to read about Style and their wedding day.

Before I get in too deep: Style is endlessly discussed in Art Schools and Art Circles and it is generally about one of two things: either, the personal imprint of a photographer or other visual artist that makes their work immediately identifiable to those in the know; or, the technical skills and ability required to emulate a particular artist's work, either as a learning tool or as evidence that a person under scrutiny has less merit as an artist, because he has not evolved a true Style of his own.

Most work is derivative: we admire a photographer's work, and either consciously or otherwise, we start to produce work that is like their's. We think our photograph  is good when it is like one our favourites, though we may not realise that... then, as our body of work grows, and we become more confident, we lose sight of the connection between our work and its creative origins: our style is derivative just as much as our works.

Is this a bad thing? Not really. There are just so many "originals" in the world, and it would be a great pity if the style for which they were famed died with them.

Well this may be interesting, but it is getting a bit "arty".

If you are a bride-to-be planning that most wonderful wedding, do you care if your photographer's work is original or derivative, whether she is admired by the atrs community for her (capital S) Style? I doubt it. Some of my brides are photographers: they don't really care about the niceties of Style, either. What is foremost in most bride's mind is how they will look in their pictures, and if they can find a photographer whose gallery or portfolo excites or inspires them - wonderful. But you know what - I think the photographer's photographic style is a lot less important than their personality - another kind of style; the way they respond to you as their personal client.

If you choose a photographer because the work they display to represent them appeals, then find you can't stand to be in the same room with them.... OK, that's unlikely, but I have heard plenty of complaints about the attitude of different wedding photographers during the wedding day. I wonder how they ever get new referrals!

That aside, it seems to me that for a majority of people, great technical skill, a real understanding of you as a couple, and a willingness to build a set of wedding photographs that represents you - your style - is a good deal more important than promoting their style through your wedding.

Of course, there is a more general style question...do you see your photos as a formal, record of the event,  as a traditional wedding record, or do you want a journalistic approach? Maybe you want the photos to have a Romantic feeling to them, or perhaps quirky and fun?  Well, you could look for someone whose work fits that concept, but as I said before, a skilled photographer will be able to do that, if he takes the time to listen and get to know you. But if they assume you came to them to replicate at your wedding what they did at another, someone is either lazy or vain; and somebody is going to be disappointed. Don't let it be you!

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